mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
