i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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