my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
