my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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