He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
