I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
