my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
