She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
