Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
