why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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