Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
