sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize