you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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