I bet he comes in French.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
