some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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