Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
