i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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