dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
her vagine was all disorganized.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
