yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
