Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
