why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
