I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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