i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
