I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
