This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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