I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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