walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
