if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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