last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
