First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
