Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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