It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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