your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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