'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
