is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
