Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
