You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize