he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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