I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
