i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
