My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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