the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can't special order awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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