Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
