all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
