the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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