I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
