ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
