If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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