we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
