hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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