Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
