watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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