What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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