my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
