No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
