i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
