I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
