Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
