I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
