guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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