The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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