Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
