I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
