he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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