Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
