One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize