too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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