Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize