I CAN MOONWALK!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
