I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
