I got chris browned last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He better not be in your backpack
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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