I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
