Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
