i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
