There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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