I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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