dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need moral support for this bender
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize