dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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