he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
