You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
