having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Vodka?
Forever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize