We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
