Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
