do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
