I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
