we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize