Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
