thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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