Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
