Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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