I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
