She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
