her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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