take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
