i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
