I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
