Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
