It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
