so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize