So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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