Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
