We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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