Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
