I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
