STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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