i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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